possible game changer

not a good day.

during my call with my nurse on monday i casually mentioned my 25% chance of getting pregnant that my ob had mentioned.  the nurse quickly stated how high she thought that number was so i asked for her to give me MY percentages based on MY many many tests.  she said she would talk to the doctor and get back to me.

today she got back to me.

Percentages of achieving pregnancy:
5-6%  Without stimulation medications/naturally
10% with Clomid
18% with injectables
50% with IF

wow.

really big punch to my gut that took the wind out of me.  what a way to bring back my happy right?  clearly this is not my week.

while certainly the numbers are miserable i am finding myself really upset because of the following...

- i have only heard how great all my tests have been... never anything to raise concern

- i had to ASK them for this information.  shouldn't they have shared this with me?  and talked to me about my options?  really feeling like a number and it does not feel good....

- why am i doing the IUI at all?  i am not so great with numbers but even i can see that the odds are no where near my favor....

i sent an email conveying my frustration and concern over this and am waiting to hear what they have to say.

right now i am thinking i will try with the clomid this cycle and then regroup for IVF.  the thought of jumping to the IVF so early in the process was never something i really considered but i can't imagine why i wouldn't do it now looking at those numbers.

ohh and the possibility of adoption has entered my thought process as well.  that is something that i saw as being much further out but maybe it is closer than i thought.  just when i thought i had a handle on the IUI process....

so now i wait for a response and practice my breathing.  i am sure by tonight i will have a better sense of the silver lining with this new development but for now i am going to allow myself to feel all of this frustration.

....inhale.....exhale....inhale..... exhale.....