so last night i dreamt i peed on my two sticks and one said i was prego and the other was defunct with no reading at all. this lead to my first feeling of optimism in the past few days. sadly, it was rather short lived. i woke up around 5am and couldn't quite bring myself to get out of bed out of fear. by 5:30 i had my jeans and flops on as well as my babymoon shirt with a rainbow, unicorn, and teddy bear with my pee mug in hand.
proud to say this time i did not spill urine all over and was able to maintain it in the mug down the stairs, across the lawn, and through the low tide terrain. i must confess those rocks are much slipperier than i expected and the urine had one close call but we both persevered.
so i picked my rock, negotiated space with some snails, and set up shop. it was such a beautiful and serene morning. i was able to get a few pictures before my phone (read: camera) ran out of juice. here is a paltry attempt to capture the magic that is Stinky Cove in Blue Hill, Maine....
not sure this really does it justice, especially because it is low tide, so here is another view at sunset with a higher tide...
slightly different angle but the point is that this is such a relaxing paradise that maybe this is the best place for me to heal through this most recent disappointment. and that gets me started on my silver linings...
so after i saw the two (-) on the sticks i then walked back inside and went straight back to bed. there were some tears and lots of disappointment but i immediately started trying to console myself with the identification of the silver lining positives around this situation....
silver linings:
- this marks a new beginning at the close of year one... fresh slate
- i now know what i want for my birthday
- it is a rainy day so i won't feel guilty being a bump on a log and feeling sorry for myself (which i am allowed to do till about 5pm)
- i am in paradise which is a perfect place to recharge myself for what is to come
- my august work schedule is also clear making it easy for my next round of IUI
- reinforcement that i have the greatest friends and family around which was illustrated through words, texts, and emails of encouragement and well wishing yesterday and today. now all messages of course are incredibly meaningful but one girlfriend in particular sent me an email very early this am with the subject line "too serious" and the following text with photo...
For when you need to remind yourself to breathe and relax with a smile, just take a look at this photo and it will do the trick... :) I love you.
to say it worked is an understatement. impeccable timing! thank you katrina! xoxo!
- i can now drink for the remaining days of my time with family
- i still have two more cycles of the IUI (and the name of a great doctor if i need to transition to IVF after this)
- i can do real workouts for the next two weeks or so (which i actually missed)
- i don't have to sell my apartment and car because they wouldn't fit triplets
- no more progesterone for at least 2 weeks!
- tim and jennifer can give me my shot again (i know he enjoyed it)
- (add others that i am missing in the comments section...this is just my first pass and i am confident there are many many more)
much much love and gratitude to all of you!!
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