Verdict is in and this was NOT my magic month. So prepare yourself for seeing more pictures of follicles and my stunner of a uterus for my next cycle.
Skipping next month so thinking there will be some blog silence.
But for June we will be back to game on. More details on the timing and the new process which will include the fertility and ovulation helpers.
And now for some of the immediate silver linings....
- I get to vaca with my dad and not worry about what I eat/drink/lift and maybe even some hammam action
- I got my period today during my drive to Cleveland (discovered it after I spoke to the nurse). This is great news I think because I am hoping the timing will be easier for my next IUI for June work schedule.
- I had a relaxing maternity massage over the weekend and it rocked. Now I can have even more of them! Highly recd having a massage on your side - great neck and side work.
- My eggs have had the benefit of some serious mellowing time over the past few weeks with all of my fishing and my upcoming fun trips on the docket
How am I? Really good actually. And really optimistic for my next cycle. It is almost a little weird how chill I am. But I feeling pretty well equipped for the next few months. Past that, I have no idea, but there is plenty of time until I need to put all that on the radar.
Monday, April 22, 2013
2nd cycle has been much more chill....
so today is the day i learn the outcome of cycle #2! while i am very excited, i must confess i have been very mellow this time around. thinking the two rounds of acupuncture, a couple of massages, and soe time on the water fishing has helped chill me out in concert with the trauma and learning curve of cycle #1.
i haven't been feeling exhausted or crampy like last time but bloated for sure. emotionally i was much less focused on the outcome (e.g., not counting down till i get to pee on a trillion sticks and trying to determine how i can pee on 6 sticks in the same urine stream [thanks again erin for talking me down on that plan!]). net: as hard as the first cycle was for me, i think it really prepared me for the road ahead.
in fact, this am i casually got out of bed to pee so i could take a test and then gracefully spilled the urine all over my bathroom floor. awesome. (note: peed in a red solo cup to i could test with the dip - - just seems more efficient and kate proof). so i decided today i would just depend on the blood test that is scheduled for 10:30am.
did you read that right? yep, i have a test but am not going to use it. who am i?
do i think i am pregnant? not really. BUT i have decided that if i am not that i am taking next cycle off so i can drink and eat whatever i want while in turkey next month with my dad. the implications of this decision are that i am probably with child because i made this tough decision (see "kate's law" posting). ultimately, either way i will be happy and optimistic that i will be pregnant by the end of the year. fingers crossed.
in terms of my % chance that i will get pregnant, who cares. i think i had mentioned this before and i have decided i am not even meeting with the doctor to discuss it all. rather, i am just going to be more aggressive for my next three IUI cycles and see what happens. i can ask these people questions till i am blue in the face and they will do their best to answer them for me but really this is something between my body and myself. a few friends made the excellent point that basically i am either 100% pregnant or 100% not - so 5% or 50% mean nothing. sage advice. and might i point out that this was just another example of how amazing my village is...thank you!!
so today i am driving to cleveland for a project and will be able to have dinner with a friend tonight and have a day to hang out with my fam. implications of this is that i will be posting my results from the road. so results to follow....
i haven't been feeling exhausted or crampy like last time but bloated for sure. emotionally i was much less focused on the outcome (e.g., not counting down till i get to pee on a trillion sticks and trying to determine how i can pee on 6 sticks in the same urine stream [thanks again erin for talking me down on that plan!]). net: as hard as the first cycle was for me, i think it really prepared me for the road ahead.
in fact, this am i casually got out of bed to pee so i could take a test and then gracefully spilled the urine all over my bathroom floor. awesome. (note: peed in a red solo cup to i could test with the dip - - just seems more efficient and kate proof). so i decided today i would just depend on the blood test that is scheduled for 10:30am.
did you read that right? yep, i have a test but am not going to use it. who am i?
do i think i am pregnant? not really. BUT i have decided that if i am not that i am taking next cycle off so i can drink and eat whatever i want while in turkey next month with my dad. the implications of this decision are that i am probably with child because i made this tough decision (see "kate's law" posting). ultimately, either way i will be happy and optimistic that i will be pregnant by the end of the year. fingers crossed.
in terms of my % chance that i will get pregnant, who cares. i think i had mentioned this before and i have decided i am not even meeting with the doctor to discuss it all. rather, i am just going to be more aggressive for my next three IUI cycles and see what happens. i can ask these people questions till i am blue in the face and they will do their best to answer them for me but really this is something between my body and myself. a few friends made the excellent point that basically i am either 100% pregnant or 100% not - so 5% or 50% mean nothing. sage advice. and might i point out that this was just another example of how amazing my village is...thank you!!
so today i am driving to cleveland for a project and will be able to have dinner with a friend tonight and have a day to hang out with my fam. implications of this is that i will be posting my results from the road. so results to follow....
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
time to make a baby!!
so i am here ready for my first second cycle insemination. yay!
had a bit of stress this am when i thought i had either pink or blue socks to pick from. as i was getting ready to grab one pink and one blue i remember the gender neutral black ones. pfew! not sure why i feel it is so important to be gender neutral.
i have not updated my playlists but this morning was thinking i might just play the mumford and sons pandora station. make this child a little cooler - and hopefully nice and mellow!
each time i check in here for the insemination, the process always seems to be a little different. today it was different because i had to pick which vial i wanted to use since i have one left from the first order (ordered 3 for 2 inseminations just in case there was a problem with one) and then the two from my most recent order that was placed from my car in a viroqua, wisconsin parking lot.
having two batches has led to a lot of learning with regard to my donor sperm - which i think some of my male neighbors will be happy to hear.
(of note, they are still disappointed that i did not include them in the selection process. their vision was that they would get a vial or more of the top contenders so they could test their agility, problem solving skills, athleticism ["what if the sperm just swims in circles?"], and who knows what else through their range of tests. they have a name for the olympic like games planned but when asked to remind me of the name, i received the following response: "Sorry, it's a proprietary, copyrighted process. Given the hundreds of hours we have invested in the rigorous number of tests we perform on each molecule, we can't divulge any of the details... :)" best neighbors ever!)
new learnings regarding the guy next door plus' sperm are:
- count: 25.0 bits per million
- motility: 70% of sample are active (and i was told more might thaw and wake up post insemination)
no this does not speak to their swimming patterns but i am optimistic that there is at least one super swimmer who is ready to help me become a mom.
for next steps, i start the progesterone today and then am allowed to do my pregnancy test on the 22nd or 23rd of april. super excited.
had a GREAT talk with the nurse. feel so much lighter. she has actually worked with dr. kaplan herself to get pregnant so it was great to have her perspective on the whole process. although of course she can't give percentages she expected me to be about 20% (and remember i am not obsessing any longer on this but it was great to hear something higher than 5-6% while within those walls).
she also confirmed that there is a lift in success because of how they time and execute the insemination versus the more traditional route.
based on our conversation, my plan is to use the clomid for my next cycle and also use the ovidrel shot to time my ovulation perfectly. feeling really good about this. i can use this combo for three months which i intend to do.
maybe this nurse is just more positive than most but whether she is just trying to calm my nerves or not, i am aok with all of that. she took so much time to talk it all through with me which i so appreciate.
so now the two week wait begins. my optimism is back and i am super excited. no travel this week and on the road next week for some more fishing so feeling like i am on cloud nine.
again, thank you thank you thank you for all of your amazing support! the texts, emails, calls, and hugs are so appreciated. xoxo!!
had a bit of stress this am when i thought i had either pink or blue socks to pick from. as i was getting ready to grab one pink and one blue i remember the gender neutral black ones. pfew! not sure why i feel it is so important to be gender neutral.
i have not updated my playlists but this morning was thinking i might just play the mumford and sons pandora station. make this child a little cooler - and hopefully nice and mellow!
each time i check in here for the insemination, the process always seems to be a little different. today it was different because i had to pick which vial i wanted to use since i have one left from the first order (ordered 3 for 2 inseminations just in case there was a problem with one) and then the two from my most recent order that was placed from my car in a viroqua, wisconsin parking lot.
having two batches has led to a lot of learning with regard to my donor sperm - which i think some of my male neighbors will be happy to hear.
(of note, they are still disappointed that i did not include them in the selection process. their vision was that they would get a vial or more of the top contenders so they could test their agility, problem solving skills, athleticism ["what if the sperm just swims in circles?"], and who knows what else through their range of tests. they have a name for the olympic like games planned but when asked to remind me of the name, i received the following response: "Sorry, it's a proprietary, copyrighted process. Given the hundreds of hours we have invested in the rigorous number of tests we perform on each molecule, we can't divulge any of the details... :)" best neighbors ever!)
new learnings regarding the guy next door plus' sperm are:
- count: 25.0 bits per million
- motility: 70% of sample are active (and i was told more might thaw and wake up post insemination)
no this does not speak to their swimming patterns but i am optimistic that there is at least one super swimmer who is ready to help me become a mom.
for next steps, i start the progesterone today and then am allowed to do my pregnancy test on the 22nd or 23rd of april. super excited.
had a GREAT talk with the nurse. feel so much lighter. she has actually worked with dr. kaplan herself to get pregnant so it was great to have her perspective on the whole process. although of course she can't give percentages she expected me to be about 20% (and remember i am not obsessing any longer on this but it was great to hear something higher than 5-6% while within those walls).
she also confirmed that there is a lift in success because of how they time and execute the insemination versus the more traditional route.
based on our conversation, my plan is to use the clomid for my next cycle and also use the ovidrel shot to time my ovulation perfectly. feeling really good about this. i can use this combo for three months which i intend to do.
maybe this nurse is just more positive than most but whether she is just trying to calm my nerves or not, i am aok with all of that. she took so much time to talk it all through with me which i so appreciate.
so now the two week wait begins. my optimism is back and i am super excited. no travel this week and on the road next week for some more fishing so feeling like i am on cloud nine.
again, thank you thank you thank you for all of your amazing support! the texts, emails, calls, and hugs are so appreciated. xoxo!!
Monday, April 8, 2013
don't mean to brag but my uterus is GORGEOUS!
had my visit today and it looks like i am slated for my second iui tomorrow and wednesday.
loved my nurse/ultrasound technician this am! sure this might be because of her sweet and complimentary words regarding my uterus but i have little shame....compliments will get you everywhere! and she was highly effusive about my stunner of a uterus. check it out. and you can say it, those layers are just screaming for implantation!
my follicle is on the left side again measuring in at 17.7mm. been growing a little slower than last cycle but i am totally aok with that. amazing that this might be my future child! (and yes, i will be showing the follicle pictures until i have success because science [and really nice nurses] say i can!)
loved my nurse/ultrasound technician this am! sure this might be because of her sweet and complimentary words regarding my uterus but i have little shame....compliments will get you everywhere! and she was highly effusive about my stunner of a uterus. check it out. and you can say it, those layers are just screaming for implantation!
my follicle is on the left side again measuring in at 17.7mm. been growing a little slower than last cycle but i am totally aok with that. amazing that this might be my future child! (and yes, i will be showing the follicle pictures until i have success because science [and really nice nurses] say i can!)
Sunday, April 7, 2013
exploits in a grocery store bathroom
so i woke up this am and made my way to my local jewel (grocery store) for my ovulation tests. thankful for a great pharmacist who saw me staring at the options and offered his perspective. once he explained the ropes to me i then commented on how hard it is to get pregnant and he said that i have a 25% chance during ovulation. i of course countered with my 5 to 6% chance to which he responded with "fci?". very very interesting. seems their low numbers have a bit of a reputation.
off i went to the jewel bathroom to pee on a stick.
i am an adult woman in a jewel bathroom peeing on a stick. and then waiting the 3 minutes in the stall. again, adult woman staring at a ovulation stick in the jewel bathroom for 3 minutes.
(it should be noted that my bladder was very full as i knew i needed my first pee of the day for the test)
it seems i am not ovulating yet which means more blood work tomorrow at fci as well as another ultrasound.
a friend offered a fantastic solution for the variation in percentages - ask my ob. brilliant! so i am hoping to touch base with my ob this week and have her give me her thoughts based on all my results.
regardless of what she says (although i may just use the jewel pharmacist as my new percentage giver), i have decided that i am just going to let the numbers go. i really struggled this last round because 1) really thought i was prego because no period and 2) i got lost in my overly analytical head with the percentages. proud to report that was my first time i have gotten lost in my head and hoping it will be my last...but realistically one of a few times.
moving forward i am going to try to steer as clear of numbers as possible! and maybe try to pee on more sticks in random public restrooms...
Thursday, April 4, 2013
the funk has lifted!!!
i am so happy to report that the funk is gone!
i just got back from three days fishing up in the driftless region of wisconsin and am so happy to report that on day three the fog lifted and i am now finally feeling like me. pfew! i was starting to get a little worried!
look at this amazing foam line! sure i did not catch any fish on this run but i had so much fun working on my cast and just enjoying being outside immersed in nature...
in terms of the baby making process, i am hoping to have my second round of IUI either this weekend or early next week. going in for my ultrasound and blood work tomorrow. fingers crossed that everything looks good.
as for the results related to the percentages. i am still waiting to learn more but overall, not so bueno. the nurse did say that my percentages are higher than most women my age which was even more shocking to me. hello learning curve thank you for blowing my mind around every corner!
i am seeing a lot of similarities between working to become a mom and fishing. you do the best you can - or even be perfect in your cast and rigging - but there is no guarantee that you will have success. the fish may be there but they might just not be feeding at that moment or dozens of other factors that cannot be controlled - read: that i cannot control. in this space of fishing i am working to be better able to give up that need for control so i am able to just enjoy the process, knowing how happy i will be when i land that fish that may be 3 or 30 inches.
while the differences are very obvious between the two, i think that the beauty and grandeur of nature around me while fishing parallels the magic that occurs inside my body as i try to create this little miracle. sure the latter is harder for me to grasp because i cannot see it and it is even harder for me to understand but the former gives me hope and a sense of faith and trust in the process which i think will help me maintain the strength i need to embrace this process.
feels good to be back. really good.
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