ultimately, i think that this time off from the process was incredibly therapeutic for me. i can now more fully see that while i only went through two cycles to date, there were many months of tests, preparation, and anticipation/excitement/nerves that led up to those two cycles which explain my general exhaustion. now i am taking off three cycles, 2 down and 1 to go, and while it is a bit longer than i had originally planned, i am totally okay with it all.
july is going to be the magic month!
my calendar for july is on complete lock down. i have a project the first week and only plan to accept other projects if they are in chicago. net: no travel for me.
this july cycle is going to be quite an experience for me since i am going to be using the drugs (clomid and ovaldril) and i have no idea how my body will react. basically, i know it is going to be hard because i think this will be completely different from my last two cycles (e.g., timing, how my body will feel). but i am rested and ready to rumble!
one of my challenges coming back from vacation is that i am waking up very early in the morning and going to bed at a reasonable hour and i do not have anything pressing to do. i was so organized before i left that i am pretty much ahead of the game. this is shocking. maybe the first time ever. the weird part is that i have no idea what to do with myself. yes, i could clean the closet but that doesn't seem very fun or urgent.
why am i sharing this?
i have some concerns around what i will do with myself being home and potentially not really working for the month of july. an idle kate is not a happy kate. so with that said, i have some ideas around how i can occupy myself and i am feeling pretty good about them....
- i can run more (signed up for a 5k in july so started my training when i got home...three 2 mile runs in. yay!)
- i can use my month pass to a yoga studio (been looking forward to this one)
- i am going to volunteer at a couple of places around town (i haven't had the time in a while)
- possibly start another blog that i have wanted to write for years (topics to include: packaging, travel, and fishing)
- have some friends visit me in chicago (hint! hint!)
still have plenty of time till it is here but i am hoping i can accomplish all of those points at least once. trying to start small (not always my strength).
on another note, my dad and i met lots of great people on our trip. he tried to sell me for camels (yes, i know not necessarily geographically appropriate BUT that makes them more precious right?!). his starting offer was for one old camel but i am pleased to report that it went up to 5 young camels and 1 baby camel. the winning bidder has not yet produced the camels but i think my father is still eagerly awaiting their arrival.
my reason for mentioning this is that i find myself struggling a little bit with the idea of proactively seeking out my mr. right or even thinking about mr. right while i am in this process. i know there are lots of single mom's out there who are on the dating scene but i found that it is a pretty weird conversation to tell someone my plans while i am still at this stage. this is a big deal and something that i know not everyone is prepared for or open to. that is ok of course but it doesn't make it any easier when you hear someone say "i only want to have my own children, not someone else's." this is one of the many challenges i will face in the future but i just have to have faith that my mr. right is out there and just stuck in traffic somewhere... :)
